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| Thursday August 4, 2005 |
| 08.04.05 (9:40 pm) [edit] |
I'd like to say that I came into John's room today, and he smiled at me, and was happy to see me. But I can't.
I got there late today, around 1pm, after making sure the kids had everything they needed to register for school, checking voice mail(which we obviously haven't checked for over 2 months), and calling back people with updates on John, doing laundry, showering, and stoping at the bank. He was sitting in the chair on his T thingy, breathing by himself. He looked so small, and skinny. He just looked at me out of the tops of his eyes, with a look that said volumns. It said, " I'm tired", "This should be you", "It's all your fault", "who the heck are you.. oh, ya", "not you again", "don't talk to me", or possibly, "Where the heck have you been?". But his eyes did't say "hello honey, glad to see ya". oh well. They put him back in bed by picking him up by the sheet under him, and lifting and putting him in bed, and it made him look so small. He slept, due to still breathing on his own, and being tired. His stats looked excellant, and you couldn't tell he wasn't on the vent, and his blood pressure and heart rate were excellant. They put him back on the vent after 6pm. He went over 12 hours breathing by hisself with just oxygen. Brit and Josh came, and he may not have recognized their names, he did their faces.
They did a test by putting a camara down his nose to see if he could swallow and thus eat , but he failed, and the food went down to his lungs(they suctioned it out), and they will try again on Monday.
They put in a new arterial line in his upper arm, as he has one now in his neck. He had two others, but they were taken out. This arterial line can stay there for up to a year, and will be used for antibiotics, and to draw blood, and can be used even when he goes home. I stayed till they were done, and went back in to check and make sure he was calm before I would go home. He was, and he just layed there, and probably slept through the insertion of the line. I told him I was going soon to check on the kids. He looked so calm, and he looked at me, and we talked for awhile. I know, we couldn't have talked you think. But we could, and we did. He saw me and said he loved me with his eyes and his hand on my hair and my face and eyes. He knew he was going home but i'm not sure he knew where home was. He told me he remembers the pool, home, his waterbed, and not Benny our cat. I asked him if he was ready to exercise, and he looked at me at first with his "what do you mean?" look, then I repeated exercise, and he laughed, and I could see in his eyes that he got the joke. He remembered his computer, but maybe not his Network +, A+, CCNA, CCNP certificates. He finally pointed and wanted me to go, and I asked if he wanted me to go home, and he said yes. I asked him if he was tired and ready to sleep, and he just looked at me, and gave me his not really shrug. I asked him if he wanted me to go to check on the kids, and he said yes. That was at 11pm. So I told him not to forget he had his transplant when he woke up, and not to forget me.
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